A trilogy of entries recounting my first and second dates.

February 25, 1994

This is quick. I'm going out with her tomorrow! Our first official date! (My first, anyway.) I'm nervous, but really excited.

February 28, 1994

Hi. I'll tell you all about the date.
FIrst of all, she called on Friday, while I was skiing. I called her back when Brad was here. He did his job and acted hyper. (I wanted someone to be here.)
I called Chris and we settled it. We (Chris, Laura, me and her) were going to see Blank Check. (Hey, does it really matter what movie it was?)
My mom just thought I was going with Chris. To be continued.

April 10, 1994

I just wanted to watch the movie. I figured since it was our first date, I wouldn't have to do anything.
I didn't. But I was afraid to move because I knew she'd think I'd do something.
So I just sat there. She looked at me a few times for some reason. I think I know why.
I now have a miserable epilogue to our story.
About three weeks ago, she wanted to know if I wanted to go to the movies with a whole bunch of people. I said okay. It was all set.
We'd be going with Tom, Lara, Emily and Andrew. (Andrew was with Lara, Emily with Tom.)
We chatted until the movie started. The movie? Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. It might've been a step up from the last movie. Anyway, the movie started, and we all sat down. Now at this point, I'm totally freaked out. What do I do? What do I say?
That was all solved. I did nothing.
NOTHING! I FELT STUPID!!!!!
I mean, here's a girl I'm crazy about, she likes me too. I've had a crush on her for the last 18 months, but I can't put my freaking arm around her!
The movie continued, and Emily was almost hyperventilating from laughing so hard. The movie was funny, but no reason to get athsmatic.
Near the end, she tried to told my hand. I didn't hold hers. Why? Well, there's a quite simple response for that.
I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHY!!!!
WHO KNOWS?
When I think about holding her hand I'm perfectly calm. But when it actually happens, I become a coward. Weird.
It was really never mentioned after that. Well, there was that one time in gym when we were running and Tom came up behind me and said, "You gotta at least put your arm around her."
Pressure sucks.

PS Emily and Tom broke up.
PPS Kurt Cobain died Friday. It was so strange. A month ago he was in a coma from drugs, and there were rumors that he was dead. Everyone was relieved when he recovered. But he shot himself just a couple days ago.

The bit about Cobain I already posted a couple of months ago.
This was about the girl I had lusted after forever, and my journal is mostly about her. (Her name continues to be kept confidential.)
Yeah, this whole episode, both parts, wasn't very fun. I had a huge fear of making any kind of move, and I didn't really understand it at the time, so I was really frustrated.
And to this day, I can't watch Ace Ventura without feeling like Tom (whose name, like all the others above, is real) is going to come up next to me. Maybe next time I can punch him in the face, because I could probably take a 14-year-old with no problems.