January 27, 1989

Dear Diary,

Today was T.'s birthday. At the beginning of her party we played spin the bottle. I had to kiss Ryan, and he had to kiss me. Pam, the fucking stuck up asshole acted like Miss Mature. She is really asking for it! She thinks she is cool for making sex with Perry and lots of other boys. There was lots of kids from school. There was Ryan, Mary, Amy, Robyn, Mike, Amber, Linda, Shane and others. T. and R. went in a room downstairs and turned off the light and god knows what they did! They probably made sex!!! There were slow dances too. Practicaly all of the girls DID NOT have anyone to dance with.
In school my X-boyfriend, Kevin, kissed me. David B. came up to me and said, "Did he have soft lips? Where is he going to kiss you next?" He was pissing me off a lot. David B. also came to me and said, "Frankie wants to hump you." I said, "You're gross." He said, "It's true, go ask him."
Love,
Penny
ps. does Frankie LIKE me?


This must have been one of my first boy-girl parties. I was still 8 years old, I didn't turn 9 for two more months. What was I doing? I think I was allowed to go because T. is my cousin-- I'm sure my parents felt more comfortable letting me go to a family member's house for whatever party. I have vague recollections of the basement where this party was, with its blue walls and the flimsy, plywood-like doors between rooms. T. and her friends were all in 5th grade, so going to this party was probably a big deal for me. I can assure you no one was "making sex" as I put it, but probably just giving each other pecks on the mouth.

Going through my diary from this time, I'm surprised to see how much of it involves talk about "this boyfriend" or "that boyfriend." I think I was writing in my diary what I thought a girl SHOULD be writing in her diary. Crap about boys. I was never swoony-- but in the writing, I look boy crazy. I'll have to whip out a gem from 1996 or 1998 to show you how that shit didn't ever change. It's embarrassing, but the formative years weren't pretty, right?